A Letter to Myself

Look behind
The wall I built has gotten too thick,
too big,
too tall

The guard is strong and impenetrable

Spending the last few years inside,

I've grown accustomed to the dark

From a little space I watch people grow,
their lives flash before my eyes
Taking notes, calculating, interpreting
I am a still in their background,
a streak of paint that's not meant to be there,
an off-color no one notices even though it doesn't belong with the rest of the painting

Taking notes, calculating, interpreting
Trying to understand the world,
but staying in my own, the one I created for myself
Trying to understand life,
without having one

You can't fathom the unfathomable
Each a phantom of a soul's mind
Let go, let loose
Step out,
it's time.

• —Inspired by Life Beyond Walls, a poem by d.c.r