Thursday, February 18, 2016

A Little Slap From God to Keep Our Feet at The Ground

Mereka bilang sudah saatnya kita turun. Sudah saatnya roda berputar. Usahanya sudah tidak seperti yang dulu-dulu lagi.
Mereka bilang ini saatnya memberi kesempatan pada yang lain, saatnya mereka menjadi pahlawan.
Yang mereka tidak tahu adalah usaha kami, beban di punggung kami, dan janji-janji yang menunggu untuk ditepati. Mereka tidak tahu bahwa untuk menjadi pahlawan, ada pihak yang dijatuhkan. Pihak yang dalam hal ini bukan antagonis (tapi tak ada yang tahu karena well, proses persiapannya tidak disorot kamera).
We deserved this.
They didn’t see it. They only see what they wanted to see – a bunch of people that didn’t even try, but randomly got the ability to be a winner.
We’re not. There’s so little talent involved here. It’s pure hard work, our work.
Mungkin doa kita masih kurang, mungkin kita masuk pada tahun yang salah. But nobody can say we didn’t work hard. Nobody can say the competition was at its fairest, and that we lost by objectivity. Nobody can say we didn’t take this seriously, and that we didn't try as hard as we used to be. That crying when we walked out of the door, it was not of regret, but rather, of disappointment.

Tapi nggak apa-apa. We’re the ones who dare to dream. We have visions, and we chase it. We didn’t back down even though we know it’s gonna be hard.

Di sisi manisnya, kita saling mengenal.
Menghabiskan malam-malam bersama, satu potong ayam dan susu milo.
Mengucap doa setelahnya, diterangi cahaya senter yang melukis bayangan lingkaran tangan raksasa yang naik-turun seiring irama di atap yang setengahnya berlubang.
Bermimpi di bawah langit malam, membentuk bayangan dari tangan-tangan yang lelah di langit-langit istana, tertawa 
Berjalan di bawah hujan untuk sembahyang selepas matahari terbenam dan bersujud kepada-Nya, berdoa agar semua tak sia-sia.
Tak ada yang sia-sia.

From it we learn. My God, do we learn.

Saturday, February 13, 2016

Lifetime Show

Because if we take time to look into someone else's life, we won't find any black and white. We realize that everybody is a protagonist in their own story, and they have their reason to act the way that others may perceive as evil.

Friday, February 12, 2016

February Music Tags

Well I'm thinking of doing tags and I thought it'd be fun! I'm not into makeup or brands or gadgets or any of the cool youtube tags. I will only share my monthly interests of music, movies, and occasionally books. 

Okay, for February, I cannot get my head out of this beautiful piece by Norah Jones. I've known this song for quite some time from my father's collection, but only now I can truly appreciate it. I've never considered myself a die-hard romantic type of person. Most of the YA books, movies, and songs are either too superficial or too diabetic for me. Story slash confession time! So to be honest, I don't feel love the way people do, never crush on somebody I just met. Sometimes I wonder if I'm some sort of asexual person. However, I fell in love everyday with the way people laugh, their sparkly eyes, the way they pet a cat or help out strangers. Things like that are attractive to me, and it does make me smile. But relationships never go anywhere for me. I never got hit by a wave of overwhelming love/crush all my life. 
But I still think I'm a romantic, it's just that my taste for romance is different than most people. It has little to do with things on the surface like getting in a relationship, being asked to the dance with outrageous proposal by a charming jock, getting big cute surprise on your birthday, etc. My taste for romance is extreme. Either it's twisted, complicated, deep, or very simple and soft. This song is what my heart would say if it can speak, on its peaceful state. This is my kind of romance. Soft and simple. No surprises. No fancy video with expensive cars and beautiful hair and melting smile. Just pack our things and go, both of us, somewhere safe from everyone we know. Start over peacefully.


(pay attention to the lyrics, lie down and relax, don't rush. listen and it will drift you to your nicest sleep ever)


Thursday, January 28, 2016

Sadness-dom View

It's a funny world we live in. We crave conflict so desperately, so we create one in broad daylight. And when it does come, we cry. We talk as if it was a disaster. We point our finger at people like there's nothing in them, like they have no feelings or brain to process all that crap. We gain satisfaction by hurting others (and claim we are the ones who are hurt). We talk about it with other party searching for comfort, when in truth, agreement is all that we want. Provoking each other, spilling gasoline over raging fire.

Sadness, for me, should both hurt and please you without including anyone in the process. It is important, yes, but it was meant to be our dark, deep guilty pleasures. It was meant to be searched in 3 a.m. by only oneself, in the rawest form of it without sacrificing others in the pursuit of it. It should open up your heart and makes you understand something about yourself that you never does before.
 It is a dark place within yourself that only you can enter. 

Saturday, December 12, 2015

Paint The Town Green

The truth is, I don’t feel belong anywhere. I go from place to place, trying out clubs, go with different kind of people, but nothing feels right. I am kinda dangling in the middle, too neutral to do one thing, let alone the other things. I feel as if the only one I’m comfortable hanging with is myself.

Maybe that’s why I stay in today. I can not bear people, I just wanna be by myself. Some days I walk till the sun almost set, but not today.

I’m sorry my ego speaks more than it should, in time when you need me. But I don’t feel like you do once I’m there. The only thing that counts of me is just the attendance of my head, not the voice of my thoughts.

I just want to go from place to place, not settling.

To Dublin, take me there.

Tuesday, December 1, 2015

These days' reverie

Is it better to be
happy, but wrong
or
right, but unhappy?

I thought I was getting better everyday, leaving my old self and becoming this new version of me. I thought i was going down the right path, because it felt right.

But it's not.

I've been thinking about this lately, and I think I mixed up the definition of right and happiness. Why does this new me feel right? This new me feels right because I'm happier, not because it is right. If anything, I'm getting worse. Once I held high my values and didn't care what it takes to hold tight to them. I was proud of myself, but at the same time, unhappy. I sacrifice my happiness, my life even, for my principles. I was miserable, because it was a hard road I took; alone, misunderstood, against the stream.

Now I don't even recognize myself anymore. I crossed the values which I once believed more than anything. I threw them like they were nothing, like I forgot what I was once fighting so hard for. And for what? For temporary happiness, for 'friends', for acceptance. It felt right not because it is right, but because I'm happier in this state. I don't have to feel like screaming and crying all the time anymore. I enjoy my surroundings and feel love rather than hatred. I'm not as negative as I once was. I feel like I'm finally at peace with myself and with those around me.

Homework for self
Feel good or feel right?
Happiness above values or the other way around?
To walk on the wrong road, or trapped in the right place?

so many questions, looks like tonight would be another sleepless night