The Monster's Back

I'm back again at the beginning
Suddenly it's square one, middle school all over again
I thought I was done with all of this
A clean slate, new mindset
And now it's happening again
The crying, the impulse, the escaping
The self doubt, the lost feeling, the misunderstanding
The guilt, the isolation, the pointing fingers
The excuses, the pretendings, the lies
The voices
I thought this has passed, that it doesn't matter anymore
I've grown out of this, see things with a new pair of eyes
Turns out all it takes is God taking back what's His for a moment
A polished event with balloons

Then it all crashes down

What's Happening

A perfect capture of these days' communication and friendship. Might not be this extreme but the essence is still the same; talking about self. Quite sad if you think about it,

March Tags!

Hi! For March (this is my favorite month of the year ehm), I’m doing movies. Enjoy!

#1 Room

So the oscar nomination has been out since February, and I’m doing a marathon on some of it. While Spotlight is awesome and totally worthy of best picture, I actually like Room more. I think it’s probably the best movie in 2015. It’s not often to find a movie like this. The acting is just believable, and there is an unquestionable chemistry between Brie and Jacob. The director is a genius, and along with the writer, must have worked so hard to make this movie possible. This is one of the most heartwarming movie I’ve watched.  Room doesn’t make you think hard, or edged in your seat, or amazed by overwhelming visual effects. It makes you understand and feel humanity. I truly believe something in my heart died (while some that had died lived again) when the movie was over and the credit started to play. All I want while watching this was hugging Jack and kept him from the world’s cruelty.

#2 An Education

This beginning of March I got through another mid-term test. While I always feel there’s something wrong with these tests and the school system, I just looked into the bigger picture of this nation’s education. This is not education. This is getting good grades for whatever it takes, get in good university at any cost, and be successful later in life. There is no thirst in knowledge, no learning just for the sake of it anymore. I don’t care if cheating is the only way I can get in, I’ll do it. I don’t care if I don’t understand any of this, as long I get in my dream school. I don’t care if it takes 20 million rupiahs to guarantee my seat in university, I’ll go for it. This is messed up. And most teachers just turn a blind eye seeing this, knowing that their schools will get praise for the amount of students get in popular universities all over the country while they get a raise. It’s a trap and I have to admit it’s harder than ever to maintain my ideality if I want to survive. And there are still pressure going on from parents and unrealistic standards from teachers, which makes it even harder.

Okay, that’s enough of that, I will go into the movie. This is the official synopsis of it:

In the early 1960's, sixteen year old Jenny Mellor lives with her parents in the London suburb of Twickenham. On her father's wishes, everything that Jenny does is in the sole pursuit of being accepted into Oxford, as he wants her to have a better life than he. Jenny is bright, pretty, hard working but also naturally gifted. The only problems her father may perceive in her life is her issue with learning Latin, and her dating a boy named Graham, who is nice but socially awkward. Jenny's life changes after she meets David Goldman, a man over twice her age. David goes out of his way to show Jenny and her family that his interest in her is not improper and that he wants solely to expose her to cultural activities which she enjoys. Jenny quickly gets accustomed to the life to which David and his constant companions, Danny and Helen, have shown her, and Jenny and David's relationship does move into becoming a romantic one. However, Jenny slowly learns more about David, and by association Danny and Helen, and specifically how they make their money. Jenny has to decide if what she learns about them and leading such a life is worth forgoing her plans of higher eduction at Oxford

An Education is a movie about a tragedy that could happen to any of us if the only thing we care for is success in life. This is what will happen if we don’t think education alone is important, if we think it’s just a tool to get what we want, to afford the kind of lifestyle we want in the future. This movie did make me question everything I already know about education. It’s an important movie that should’ve been watched by everyone, especially teenagers and truth-seekers. It’s beautifully done, and mind you this isn’t even Hollywood-release as far as I know.

Bonus quote:

-credit to: line account from A to A

Sooo I really recommend you to watch these. There are also some other movies and music that I really want to cover later, maybe I will update it maybe I won’t;D  I also apologize if anything I said earlier offend you, it’s just my view and of course it can be different from yours. Anyway, enjoy these masterpiece. You can let me know what you think of themJ

Old in The Making

This morning when I woke up, I'm no longer a child. I'm a solid adult, legal by law.

I always thought the whole birthday thing is nonsense, because it's really just the day you are born, randomly, coincidentally, one out of 365.

But I don't know, a miracle struck this morning. After I'm doing my morning prayer, I suddenly got this realization that I'm, in fact, is not the center of the universe.

Of course you aren't.

I know, but see, all my life I've been struggling with it. I take things personally, making connection in my head why some people act a certain way around me, what they think of me, do they assume I'm (insert adjectives). I'm embarrassed to say this, but actually I always thought everything has to do with me.

This realization just came from deep down this morning, and I'm grateful for it. I feel really at ease with myself right now, like I don't have to worry all the time. This might've been the best and only gift I receive today. I hope I'll mature soon, and this is my starting point in life.

Thought I was an old soul, turns out I'm just a child.

A Little Slap From God to Keep Our Feet at The Ground

Mereka bilang sudah saatnya kita turun. Sudah saatnya roda berputar. Usahanya sudah tidak seperti yang dulu-dulu lagi.

Mereka bilang ini saatnya memberi kesempatan pada yang lain, saatnya mereka menjadi pahlawan.

Yang mereka tidak tahu adalah usaha kami, beban di punggung kami, dan janji-janji yang menunggu untuk ditepati. Mereka tidak tahu bahwa untuk menjadi pahlawan, ada pihak yang dijatuhkan. Pihak yang dalam hal ini bukan antagonis (tapi tak ada yang tahu karena well, proses persiapannya tidak disorot kamera).

We deserved this.

They didn’t see it. They only see what they wanted to see – a bunch of people that didn’t even try, but randomly got the ability to be a winner.

We’re not. There’s so little talent involved here. It’s pure hard work, our work.

Mungkin doa kita masih kurang, mungkin kita masuk pada tahun yang salah. But nobody can say we didn’t work hard. Nobody can say the competition was at its fairest, and that we lost by objectivity. Nobody can say we didn’t take this seriously, and that we didn't try as hard as we used to be. That crying when we walked out of the door, it was not of regret, but rather, of disappointment.

Tapi nggak apa-apa. We’re the ones who dare to dream. We have visions, and we chase it. We didn’t back down even though we know it’s gonna be hard.

Di sisi manisnya, kita saling mengenal.

Menghabiskan malam-malam bersama, satu potong ayam dan susu milo.

Mengucap doa setelahnya, diterangi cahaya senter yang melukis bayangan lingkaran tangan raksasa yang naik-turun seiring irama di atap yang setengahnya berlubang.

Bermimpi di bawah langit malam, membentuk bayangan dari tangan-tangan yang lelah di langit-langit istana, tertawa 

Berjalan di bawah hujan untuk sembahyang selepas matahari terbenam dan bersujud kepada-Nya, berdoa agar semua tak sia-sia.

Tak ada yang sia-sia.

From it we learn. My God, do we learn.

Lifetime Show

Because if we take time to look into someone else's life, we won't find any black and white. We realize that everybody is a protagonist in their own story, and they have their reason to act the way that others may perceive as evil.

February Music Tags

Well I'm thinking of doing tags and I thought it'd be fun! I'm not into makeup or brands or gadgets or any of the cool youtube tags. I will only share my monthly interests of music, movies, and occasionally books. 

Okay, for February, I cannot get my head out of this beautiful piece by Norah Jones. I've known this song for quite some time from my father's collection, but only now I can truly appreciate it. I've never considered myself a die-hard romantic type of person. Most of the YA books, movies, and songs are either too superficial or too diabetic for me. Story slash confession time! So to be honest, I don't feel love the way people do, never crush on somebody I just met. Sometimes I wonder if I'm some sort of asexual person. However, I fell in love everyday with the way people laugh, their sparkly eyes, the way they pet a cat or help out strangers. Things like that are attractive to me, and it does make me smile. But relationships never go anywhere for me. I never got hit by a wave of overwhelming love/crush all my life. 

But I still think I'm a romantic, it's just that my taste for romance is different than most people. It has little to do with things on the surface like getting in a relationship, being asked to the dance with outrageous proposal by a charming jock, getting big cute surprise on your birthday, etc. My taste for romance is extreme. Either it's twisted, complicated, deep, or very simple and soft. This song is what my heart would say if it can speak, on its peaceful state. This is my kind of romance. Soft and simple. No surprises. No fancy video with expensive cars and beautiful hair and melting smile. Just pack our things and go, both of us, somewhere safe from everyone we know. Start over peacefully.

(pay attention to the lyrics, lie down and relax, don't rush. listen and it will drift you to your nicest sleep ever)