2019 has
been one heck of a year. Maybe some of my lurkers here (lol, like i have any) noticed
that I haven’t posted anything new in almost two years. It’s not that I didn’t write
anything... I still do regularly to make sense of this rollercoaster ride. I’m conscious
enough to not post anything though because it is personal and not exactly PG.
So yeah...
2019. In my head I came out from all this so tired and defeated by life.
I can’t exactly showcase my highlights of experiences or achievements
because they’re not tangible. As always, most of it resided in my head but
trust me when I say it is a battle. 2019 is also the year I started my
new decade in life, swinging 20s, and oh my god has it been a crazy opening. I
underwent a lot of transitions, I see the world through different sets of
lenses, I had first tastes of a lot of things. Do I miss my old self? I’d be
lying if I say I don’t, I feel like in some areas of life I’ve regressed and I'd kill to have that back. On the other hand I still feel stuck in
time, as if no matter what I try I can’t outgrow my habits, I can’t improve my
weaknesses and failings. So yeah, let’s just say I still have a lot to work on:-)
For the most parts tho, I do think I am more seasoned in thinking and feeling
as a product of new exposures. I just don’t know how it could benefit me from a
practical standpoint. If anything it makes me more flimsy and bitter... But at
least there’s liberation that I’m forever grateful for.
Unfortunately
I have to admit I am not able to find some kind of silver-lining, earth-shattering
revelation about this year’s journey that's worthy of sharing to the 'gram:)) I am
barely making it out alive and I’m still trying.
I’m trying.
